How To Get Your Ex Back When He Has Moved On
You guys have broken up and he’s got a new girlfriend! Don’t give up just yet. Read on to find out how to get your ex back when he has moved on.
Your worst nightmare has finally come true: the love of your life has moved on and found someone else.
How long has it been since you guys split up? There really ought to be some kind of rule banning people from bouncing back from breakups in such a short span of time.
Go ahead: take your time and vent to your friends. This is a really difficult time for you, especially if you were secretly hoping to get back together. Seeing him with someone else feels like it’s the final nail on the coffin.
Don’t throw in the towel yet, though. Just because he’s seeing someone new, doesn’t mean he’s completely over you.
It could be a complete rebound, or perhaps he’s trying to regain his footing by getting back into the dating scene. This is why you need to keep your cool, even though your heart feels like it’s getting torn apart yet again.
You want to know how to get your ex back when he has moved on? Keep reading.
Don’t do anything drastic.
The key here is to not torpedo your chances right off the bat. If you panic and do something stupid, you might just drive your ex away — forever.
That’s the last thing you want! The goal here is to reconcile, so you have to be savvy with your next move.
We cannot stress just how important it is to not do anything immediately after you find out he’s seeing someone new.
You can talk to your friends (but not the mutual ones) and vent in your journal, but do not do anything that can get back to him.
For example, avoid posting anything about the new relationship on your social media accounts. Don’t even think about sub-tweeting or making snide comments. Even vague posting isn’t acceptable, because people will notice and they’ll definitely gossip.
Here’s the thing: you don’t want to do anything that will have people thinking that you’re still bitter and that you’re not over your ex. If you want him to come back to you, it’s very important to not look like a sad, grieving loser.
Go no contact for at least a month.
This is the golden rule post-breakup, especially if you want to get back with your ex.
Imagine this: you want your ex back, so you go out of your way to show him that you can’t move on. You make grand gestures, just like in the movies.
You show up at his workplace, outside his house, his favorite pub, wherever. You blow up his phone with calls and texts.
That’s the biggest mistake you can make after a breakup! You’re not going to win him back by being a psycho! Instead of bringing him closer to you, your actions will push him away and destroy any chances at a reconciliation.
By imposing a no contact period, you’re giving yourself some much needed space to process the breakup. This is a good way for both of you to get some breathing air and to really think about what happened.
Maintain this no contact period even if you hear gossip that he’s seeing someone new. Keep it up even though it’s a real challenge. It helps to steer clear of his social media accounts for now, just so you’re not tempted to contact him.
Besides, going no contact makes it more likely for him to miss you, so it’s a definite win-win.
Make sure you’re going for a reconciliation for all the right reasons.
While you’re on no contact, it helps to spend some time figuring out your true motivation. Why do you want to reconcile?
Do you really want him back?
Some girls find a guy more irresistible if he’s no longer available. Perhaps seeing him with someone else triggered your territorial feelings.
If that’s the case, call the whole thing off. Don’t try and get back with him if you only want him back out of spite. It’s not good for you, it’s not good for him, and it’s not going to do anyone any good in the long run.
This break is your chance to really internalize what happened. Some relationships aren’t meant to last, and that’s okay. Before you start working on a reconciliation, make sure that this is something you really truly want and that you’re willing to make real and lasting changes.
Give the relationship time to run its course.
If your breakup was very, very recent, there’s a good chance that this is a rebound.
There are two ways to handle this. First, you go on and try to break them up, acting like a crazy person. That’s the wrong option, by the way. You’ve just shown him all your cards and now you have zero chance at getting him back.
You want to know how to get your ex back when he has moved on? Don’t let his new relationship wreck your game plan.
Besides, just because he’s in a new relationship doesn’t automatically mean he’s moved on. Don’t tip your hand just yet.
Your second option — the better one, definitely — is to give the relationship a chance to run its course. If it’s nothing serious, the relationship will run its course in no time and you don’t have to do anything at all.
Work on yourself first.
Instead of spending your time moping or stalking your ex’s and his new girl’s social media accounts, you’d be better off doing something to improve on yourself.
See, the relationship failed the first time around because there are actual issues to deal with. If you try to get back with your ex without figuring out where things went wrong, it’s not going to work out.
Do some soul-searching, especially during the no contact period. Take this opportunity to really think about the things your ex complained about. Write a list down if you have to.
The important thing here is to give yourself the time and space you need to be a better version before you try and get back with him. Plus, it will definitely help you feel better about yourself.
The improvements can (and should) involve both physical and emotional changes. Most people focus on the physical, which isn’t wrong, but it does require something more.
Get a makeover, go to the gym, try out a new look. But don’t forget that you also have to make attitude adjustments if you want to get your ex back. This has to be a real and lasting improvement for the reconciliation to work out.
Reach out, but don’t go for a reconciliation.
After your period of no contact, it is time to re-establish that connection. This is very important, because you want to reconnect but under no circumstances should you go for a reconciliation right away.
After all, he’s in a new relationship and it would be a terrible move to ask him to get back with you right away. It’s not going to work, and he’ll be turned off.
Instead, keep things cool and casual for now. The only goal here is to reconnect without putting any pressure on either one of you. Don’t even talk about the past. Make sure not to raise any bad vibes or memories when you do catch up.
Start with a small text, asking him how he is. If that’s too big a step, your other option is to comment on one of his photos on social media. A “like” is good, too.
The point is that you have to be patient. Re-establishing a connection is not easy, and if he doesn’t respond, bombarding him with texts isn’t going to change his mind. Stay cool and aim for getting back on friendly terms with your ex.
Play nice, especially when referring to his new girl.
It’s tempting to make snide remarks about his new girlfriend, especially if you’re hoping for a reconciliation. Don’t!
Again, you’re trying to show your ex that you’ve become a much better person. Acting jealous and petty is not the way to his heart. In fact, it makes you look psycho and will make him want to avoid you.
This is doubly important when you’re talking about the new girl. The fangs are ready to come out, but maybe you should rein them in for now. Don’t let jealousy eat you up. It’s very important to refrain from making any comparisons between you and the new girl, especially if your ex is around.
All of these actions make you look unhinged, and that’s simply not a good look.
Make sure that you avoid snide remarks on social media as well. Don’t do anything that could get back to them and would paint you in a bad light.
Let him know that you’re still into him.
After you’ve re-established contact, you will be able to gauge if you have a shot at reconciliation. Don’t raise the issue right away, because this will make things awkward for the both of you.
When you are ready, let him know how you really feel. When you do confess to wanting to reconcile, don’t plead or beg. Just state the facts, let him know the truth, and then give him time to think.
You don’t want to put undue pressure, because that will only push him away.
This lets you throw your hat back in the ring, but you do have to be patient. After all, he’ll have to decide whether or not he’ll break up with the new girl and get back with you.
The important thing is that he now knows you’re still an option, and that he can get back with you if that’s what he wants.
Don’t set ultimatums.
Here’s the thing: a lot of desperate people will try to play a trump card and force their ex’s hand. They issue an ultimatum, telling their ex to break up with the new girl or else.
The problem with ultimatums is that they rarely work. Even if your ex still wanted to get back with you, that ultimatum will prove that you’re not the right choice. After all, it simply reveals you as simple-minded and petty. No one wants to be in a relationship with someone who undertakes such childish actions.
It’s a real turn-off, as well. No one responds positively to an ultimatum, and it isn’t really going to help your cause. The most is can do is push your ex to look elsewhere and avoid you like the plague.
Besides, if he does choose you, it can make him feel like he’s not really sure if he wants the reconciliation. It can feel like his decision was made completely under pressure and therefore the reconciliation will likely be short-lived.
You might win the battle, but you’ll definitely lose the war.
Show him you’re the better choice.
We’ve mentioned multiple times here that you do not want to beg or plead or wheedle. You do not want to force him by non-stop badgering him. No undue pressure here, because it’s not going to work.
That’s because action speaks louder than words. If you keep going with the texting and the crying and the begging, you give off a very negative vibe that will torpedo your chances.
If you want to know how to get your ex back when he has moved on, the key is to show him that you’re the better option here.
This is the time for you to reveal your best qualities. Remind him why he fell in love with you in the first place by showing your best side. You don’t have to plead, or to badmouth his new girl. What you need to do is show him that he can’t lose you again, and that he better act fast.
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