How To Deal With An Angry Girlfriend
It doesn’t matter how happy you are in a relationship. Arguments happen, and there’s nothing you can do about that. You just have to know how to patch things up with an angry girlfriend, and we can help with that.
First of all, it’s very important to know that even the healthiest of relationships can have its fair share of fights. Don’t see an argument as a sign that you are headed for a breakup.
On the flip side, don’t ignore fights and dismiss your partner’s anger. You’ll only make things worse by deflecting and avoiding every argument that comes your way.
Instead, it’s more important to know how to acknowledge and diffuse these tense situations. You want to address the issue quickly and efficiently so you can prevent a bigger blow-up in the future.
Here are a few excellent tips to help you deal with an angry girlfriend.
14 Techniques On How To Deal With An Angry Girlfriend
Don’t dismiss her feelings
The last thing you want to do when confronted by an angry girlfriend? Dismiss her feelings.
Don’t say things like, “You have nothing to be angry about”. It sounds like you’re trivializing her feelings and telling her that her emotions aren’t valid. That might not be what you mean, but that’s definitely what she’ll hear.
When she’s upset, the last thing she wants is to be treated like a child. Invalidating her isn’t going to assuage her anger — you’ll only make things worse. Repeat it a few times and you might not have a girlfriend at all.
It can be very tempting to fight fire with fire, especially if nasty words are exchanged. Refrain from going toe to toe with your angry partner, no matter how provoked you get.
Here’s the thing: it’s hard to take back the hurtful things you say in the middle of an argument. You guys can patch things up, but it won’t be easy to heal the pain in the aftermath.
As much as possible, stay calm while your girlfriend is upset so you don’t end up making things worse. Keep a level head and don’t let the emotions overwhelm you. A logical approach can be very valuable in situations like these.
Don’t Get Defensive
So, your girlfriend is mad at you. What’s your first instinct? For a lot of guys, the immediate option is to go on the defensive.
They find a myriad reasons to explain that they didn’t do anything wrong, even if they don’t know what the root cause of the argument is yet. They just want to maintain a defensive position to protect themselves from blame.
The problem is that going on the defensive means nothing gets resolved. When you’re too busy defending yourself, you don’t hear the real reason your girlfriend is upset and you won’t be able to work through the issue.
Listen, And Listen Well
The old stereotype that men don’t listen — forget about it. People who don’t listen will never be able to succeed in anything, be it in their professional or personal lives.
To you, it might sound like your girlfriend is just nagging you for no reason. But a good relationship is built on strong communication skills.
Is she nagging you about chores again? Don’t ignore her complaints. There’s a good chance she’s not just talking about unwashed dishes or the flickering bulb in the basement.
She might see your lack of participation as a disinterest in the relationship, or a lack of commitment. Your inaction could be making her feel insecure and weakening her faith in the relationship.
Without listening to what she’s actually saying, a small fight could end up dismantling everything.
Don’t Avoid The Argument
The tricky thing about handling heated arguments is that you don’t want to fight the anger head on, but you also don’t want to avoid it. Don’t walk away or stonewall every fight. Doing so will only make things worse, because the emotions are fierce yet nothing is resolved.
Hiding yourself away might seem like the easier option, especially if you’re the sort of person who dislikes confrontation. That is perfectly understandable, because no one really enjoys arguments, especially with someone they care for.
The problem is that avoidance isn’t helpful. It doesn’t give you an opportunity to address issues and concerns. Over time, these little issues can snowball and become the catalyst that leads to a breakup.
Give Her Some Time
Your girlfriend isn’t a child. She knows how to handle her emotions. If she’s in an unhappy mood and she doesn’t want to talk, don’t bug her.
Forcing her to tell you why she’s upset isn’t the best course of action. In fact, forcing her to do anything while she’s mad isn’t the way to go at all. You need to give her some time and space to process how she feels.
There’s nothing wrong about giving her the opportunity to let off some steam. During this difficult moment, your best option is to not crowd her and not push her buttons even more. Don’t force the issue, and let her have some time to herself.
Be Mindful Of Your Body Language
You might not realize it, but just because you are quiet doesn’t mean you’re not making things worse. The way you position your body is meaningful, and your actions — cliche as it sounds — can be louder than words.
Don’t turn your back on her while she’s venting. Avoid rolling your eyes in the middle of an argument. These actions can exasperate your partner’s upset emotions and make things more complicated.
Just because you’re not saying hurtful things back doesn’t mean you’re diffusing the argument or refusing to participate in it. Be more open, maintain eye contact, and be careful with what your body is saying.
Let Her Vent
Old sitcoms like to portray women as unrelenting naggers, but that’s unfair. Venting is part of human nature, especially if one is frustrated or angry. In many relationships, women will try to bottle up their annoyances for as long as they can, so when they do blow up, it can result in an explosive rant.
Acting like her nagging is comical isn’t a good plan at all. Don’t be the sitcom husband. Give her space to vent and let her emotions out so you can get the frustration out of the way. Once she’s less angry, she’ll be able to discuss the issues with you much more clearly.
Learn To Express Your Own Feelings
An argument isn’t your girlfriend’s problem. It’s not something she decided to foist on you. As partners in this relationship, you are both investors working for a stronger connection. Don’t think of this fight as a punishment or an attack.
That said, you have the right to express your feelings in this arguments, too. It’s very important to remember that you’re not a silent, hapless victim here. She’s angry because she thinks there’s a problem here, and the bottomline is that she wants to fix things. Otherwise, she’ll just leave you with a clean break.
Be upfront and be honest. You need to tell her how you feel without defensiveness. Don’t downplay your faults if her complaints are valid, but do explain your side and your actions as calmly as you can.
Avoid The Dreaded “Sorry, But”
It’s not easy to say sorry. Pride is a major blocker and can make it difficult for people to say the word.
Unfortunately, some people take on the easier way out. The infamous “sorry, but” non-apology has been employed by a great number of politicians, so anyone who’s seen the news will know just how fake it is.
When you say sorry but follow up with an excuse that deflects the blame back to your angry girlfriend, you’re not really contrite and you’re not really acknowledging the issue. It’s a tactic to sound like you’re working on the problem but without really achieving a proper resolution.
A real apology is heartfelt and is strongly born of genuine remorse. It doesn’t mean you have to take the blame just to get it over with. That resolves nothing. Instead, you want to reflect on the situation and analyze whether or not you were truly at fault.
With a sincere apology, you and your girlfriend can move on to resolving the issue and preventing a rehash of this fight in the future.
Although it’s true that you need to let your girlfriend vent and speak, you do need to maintain healthy boundaries. You want to listen to her and evaluate her concerns, because that’s what a good and responsible boyfriend does.
The problem is that you don’t want to let the venting get out of hand. Anything that goes beyond what is decent and respectful is unacceptable. Even in an argument, there is a need to be respectful, especially since you’re dealing with someone you love and want to spend time with.
Maintain strong and healthy boundaries. Don’t let the emotions get the better of you. When you’re angry, it can be easy to get overwhelmed and start letting the anger control you. Remember that this is a person you love, and that you both want to keep the relationship strong.
Work On A Resolution
The entire argument is pointless if you don’t end up with a resolution. When you’ve both had time to think things through, the next step is to work on fixing things.
It is very important to discuss the real issue. The underlying emotional current is the most crucial point, because this is what’s really causing the argument and the fighting.
Acknowledge her concerns, apologize if you are wrong, and clear all misunderstandings. You are adults in love, and sometimes that can involve the hard work of dealing with unpleasant situations.
Talk — this is a very important step that a lot of people fail to remember. Talking doesn’t mean you’re making things worse or prolonging the argument. It simply means that you’re willing to face the challenge head on.
Offer Physical Reassurance
When in the middle of an intense argument, it can sometimes be difficult to remember that this is a romantic connection. You are both upset and very tense.
Take a breather and remember that in the end, this is still about the two of you in a relationship. Although it might seem a little weird, make sure to stay physically connected. Touch her gently on the shoulder, hold her hand, or give her a hug.
Remind her that you love her, and that you are here to work through whatever problems you may have. That physical connection is a reassuring reminder that things might be a little difficult now, but you’re not giving up and you want to make things better.
Remind Her That You Both Want The Same Thing: A Stronger Relationship
You’re not enemy combatants, even though you might be at odds for the time being. When you’re no longer upset, you’ll realize that you actually both want the same thing: a happy relationship.
Take the fight as a growing pain. You’re raising these issues because you care about each other and you want to make things work. Fighting might be unpleasant, but it’s actually a means to address issues that you can work on to strengthen your relationship.
You’re on the same side, not enemies. Keep this in mind and you’ll be able to get through anything. The rough patches are simply there to make your relationship better and stronger.
Nobody likes arguing, and an angry girlfriend isn’t something you dream of. No one goes into a relationship hoping to infuriate their girlfriend.
In a healthy relationship, however, arguments are unavoidable and — truth be told — are a means to strengthening and improving your connection. You are working through the kinks, so to speak.
The problem is that handling fights incorrectly can further anger your girlfriend, and will only make things a lot worse. By taking the time to listen, connect, and resolve the issue, you will emerge from this unpleasant situation as a stronger and better couple.