Why Can’t I Get A Girlfriend?
Everywhere you go, you see them: couples — happy and in love. All of your friends seem to have no difficulty getting girlfriends — all of them, except for you. You ask yourself: why can’t I get a girlfriend?
A lot of men tend to get their social cues from popular culture, which can be double-edged sword. On one hand, it lets you experience and learn from social situations vicariously. On the other hand, unfortunately, pop culture can be rife with problematic ideas and lead you astray.
There’s the ever popular nerd vs jock narrative, which we’ve all heard before. You know the drill: hot, sporty guys get all the girls while the nerd with the heart of gold remains a sad wallflower at the dance.
Here’s the thing: looks are only one part of the equation, and even the cute guys have trouble finding love sometimes. This is because there are a great number of factors that can affect a woman’s interest in a man, and looks aren’t all there is to it.
Think of it this way: you’re offering yourself up as a potential partner. What do you have to offer and why would this woman choose you over anyone else? If you’ve ever tried dating apps like Tinder, you already know that there’s plenty of fish in the sea. Women have a wide variety to choose from, and you have to stand out enough to get one of them to notice and decide to date you.
If you’ve ever asked yourself the question — why can’t I get a girlfriend — you already know that there’s an issue (or several of them) that you need to address. Women are people (what a shocker) and they have preferences and standards, too, when it comes to dating.
You want to reach that standard, and sometimes that involves objectively critiquing yourself and figuring out how you can improve. Here are some common reasons why girls aren’t flocking to you.
Take a good honest look and find areas that need work. If you’re willing to be honest with yourself, you’ll be able to go from single to dating in no time.
You don’t take enough shots.
As Wayne Gretzky once said, you miss one hundred percent of the shots you don’t take. If you only ask one girl out a year, it’s unsurprising that you’re still single to this day.
See, you can’t expect to get a girlfriend when you don’t even make an attempt to ask someone out. This isn’t some magical world where some woman will just come up to you and fall in love with you.
If you don’t go out and mingle and try to get a girl’s number, the entire point is moot. There’s no other issue to talk about.
Although it’s true that women can take the first step and make the first move as well, it’s not something you should rely on. Take action! If you don’t, you’ll never have any opportunities and you won’t be able to land yourself a girlfriend. It’s that simple.
You’re too picky.
Having standards and preferences is fine. Heck, it is human. You’re perfectly free to have an ideal type.
That being said, there are men who are so enamored with their favorite celebrities that they hold all other women to that standard. When you focus far too much on Scarlett Johansson as your ultimate goddess, you’re missing out on the real women around you.
Let’s say you prefer blondes over brunettes — no problem. Everyone’s got their type. When you start nitpicking the shade of blonde, however, that’s where you’re limiting the selection pool for yourself.
You’ll never date anyone if you spend all your time nitpicking and criticizing the women you meet.
You don’t go out enough.
Again, you’re limiting your options. If you stay home all the time or your daily routine involves nothing more than work and rest, you’re eliminating your opportunities.
Now when we say going out, it doesn’t automatically mean going to a singles bar. That’s not your only choice. You don’t have to force yourself to go to places you don’t enjoy.
However, you do have to give yourself the chance to meet more people. Join a book club, go to the gym, take a cooking class — if you don’t put yourself out there, you’ll never be able to get a girlfriend.
The point so far is this: your personal choices can either increase or limit your chances. How can you expect to get a girlfriend if you don’t meet any girls? Give yourself the opportunities you need, by mingling and enjoying other people’s company.
You have poor hygiene.
Here’s the thing about looks: they matter, but not as much as you think. Good grooming can take you so far — way further than you can imagine.
Would you date someone who refuses to perform the most basic hygiene tasks? You wouldn’t obviously, so why would any woman put up with that? When you ask yourself, “why can’t I get a girlfriend,” start by inspecting your personal hygiene and grooming habits.
For men, the basics can make a huge difference. Don’t underestimate the power of a good haircut and properly fitted clothes. Plus, good hygiene leaves you smelling wonderful and inviting!
You could have a plain face, but proper grooming and the right style can definitely take you places.
You are physically unfit.
Some men might take this to mean that they have to have Captain America’s abs to get the girls, but that’s not true. They won’t hurt, surely, but they’re not a must-have either.
See, women know that the superhero physique is desirable but not necessarily attainable for many. A man in reasonably good shape and a healthy lifestyle? Definitely going to turn heads right there.
It’s not just the muscles, to be honest. Being physically fit and living an active lifestyle tells the women around you that you care about yourself. The last image you want to project to potential dates is that of a lazy couch slob.
Taking care of yourself is a good way to express that you’ve not given up on life. It’s a great signal to send out to potential romantic partners, and one you should take care to hone to perfection.
Your body language lacks confidence.
It’s all about communication — sometimes without even saying a word. Your body sends out messages without you knowing, and your small actions can turn a woman off without having words exchanged.
Standing with your arms crossed makes you look aloof and unapproachable. Refusing to make eye contact? Women see that as a serious lack of confidence or shadiness. Neither one is desirable.
When speaking to a woman, make sure that your body is angled towards them — this shows interests and that you’re paying attention. Eye contact is crucial. It exudes confidence and also makes you appear a lot more engaged with whoever you’re interacting with.
You have nothing to offer.
Some men think they can get by with just being “nice”. That’s the worst idea ever — nice is the baseline, nothing special. All people have to be nice, so if that’s all you have to offer, you’re not really setting yourself apart.
It’s a real misunderstanding when men bemoan that women don’t like nice guys because they prefer bad boys. In reality, women want someone who’s well-rounded — someone interesting and fun to be around.
What are your hobbies? What are your interests? If you’re “nice” and nothing else, a woman can’t be expected to enjoy spending time with you. No one wants to be bored! Especially not when there are a number of more interesting options around.
You’re whiny and bring negative energy.
When you do get a woman to go out with you, your goal should be an enjoyable time for the both of you. This is a simple enough goal for the early dating stage. You have to have fun!
Unfortunately, some men can have a lot of pent up rage and frustrations about dating. When they do finally get a date, they end up spending the time complaining. Talk about wasted chances!
Whining brings the mood down. No woman wants to go on a coffee date just to hear a guy rant for a couple of hours. Venting isn’t unacceptable, but there’s a time and place for it. Go to your friends and vent about work and dating over a couple of drinks instead.
You’re too intense too soon.
Containing your feelings is very important, especially in the early stages of dating. Women want to meet potential romantic partners, too, but they need to go through a process. If you bypass that and get too intense too quickly, you’ll probably send her running in fear.
Intensity in itself isn’t a bad thing, but it’s the timing that matters. If you start throwing the word “love” around right after a couple of dates, she’ll get scared and probably will drop you like a hot potato.
You’re too needy.
So we mentioned intensity — you need to tone down the clinginess, too. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you suffocate each other. You have to give your partner enough space to be themselves, otherwise you risk driving them away.
Let’s take a real world example: how often should you text a girl you’ve just met? If your answer is “non-stop,” we’ve figured out the problem right here. That sort of neediness is tiring and exerts a lot of pressure on anyone.
No woman enjoys that sort of non-stop, overwhelming clinginess. It’s unhealthy, it’s scary, and it’s a dating red flag.
You take rejection personally.
We know, it’s not easy. Getting rejected is painful and a real blow to the ego. It doesn’t have to be, though!
The key here is to accept that women have their personal preferences. Just because someone says no, doesn’t mean that you’re a terrible person or a loser. It just means you’re not their type, and that’s not on you.
More importantly, you’re definitely someone’s ideal type. You just haven’t met her yet. If you let rejection slow you down and prevent you from taking chances, you’re blocking your own opportunities.
You’re not upfront with your intentions.
You know how people like to complain about the friend zone? Here’s the thing: men put themselves in that zone by not speaking up and letting the woman know they want more than just friendship.
Women aren’t mind-readers! If you act like a friend and never so much as flirt, you can’t honestly expect them to figure out that you’re looking for a romantic connection. She’ll look elsewhere and overlook you, because you don’t make your intentions known.
So, the best option is to let a girl know what you want. If you’re not ready to go directly to asking her out, you should at least flirt! Make sure you let her know that your interest isn’t just friendship.
You have no future prospects.
Playing video games after a long day at work? Cool. Spend all day in your underwear playing video games? Not cool.
Here’s the difference: women want to be with a man who plans for his future. Someone who hangs around and has zero plans for what he wants in life? Super unattractive!
It’s not about the money, even. The lack of passion is unattractive, and can make you seem like a very undesirable mate. If a woman gets into a romantic relationship, she’s essentially throwing her lot in with yours.
Of course she wants someone she can rely on! A man with future prospects is stable, trustworthy, and worthy of her time.
So, are you still asking the same question — why can’t I get a girlfriend? Stop. Take this moment to go on a very objective assessment of your strengths and weaknesses. Figure out what you have to offer, and what you want in a partner.
Improve on your weaknesses, and take more shots. You’ll leave the single life behind and find the woman of your dreams in no time.
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