Text Your Ex Back Into A Relationship
Dealing with a painful breakup and hoping to get back with your ex? Take heart — it’s not mission impossible. We know exactly what to do to help you text your ex back into a relationship — and get another shot at happily ever after.
So, you’re heartbroken. The love of your life has called it quits, and you don’t know how to move on. How are you supposed to go on if you can’t imagine a life without them by your side?
In the heat of the moment, there is only one thought on your mind: reconciliation.
You don’t want to give up just like that! You’ve poured love, time, and effort into making this relationship work, so how can you just let go like it’s no big deal?
Before we go forward, we need to address this important issue: are you sure you want to reconcile with your ex?
When you’re right in the middle of a painful breakup, it’s hard to think straight. Your brain just won’t work right, and the pain will affect every inch of your life. There’s no getting away from the heartbreak.
In this moment, you can think of nothing more than the happy memories you had together. Nostalgia colors every memory, and it all seems so rosy and romantic in your head.
This is the heartbreak talking. Not all relationships are worth saving, and you have to be objective before you make any decisions. You need some time to think things over and see the relationship for what it really was.
Going no contact for a month or so is a good idea, just so you can take some time off for yourself and to give you that space that you also need. When that cloud is lifted, you will be able to decide — rationally — whether or not you want another shot at the relationship.
Once you’re sure that reconciling is what you want, you can move forward with no regrets. Now you are sure of your motives and you know that you really want to make things better and work this time around. This is the first step to rebuilding and improving on your relationship with your ex.
So, why focus on texting as your primary machinery for reconciliation?
Get with the times and admit that this is a digital world now. Texting is crucial in every step of dating, from getting to know each other to — unfortunately — breaking up.
Calls are weird — and mostly reserved for parents, to be honest — and seem a little too intimidating when you want to keep things safe and casual with your ex. Emails are too distant and professional.
Really, who sends an email to reconnect with their ex?
But you shouldn’t just go with the first text message your brain can think of! There’s an art to this, a strategy that will have you text your ex back into a relationship.
In fact, we might as well go through the “don’t” list before moving forward, just so you don’t make any mistakes that can jeopardize your chances at reconciliation.
- Be too generic. If you start out with a vague “how are you,” your ex can easily ignore that text. They might even roll their eyes at how transparent and corny you’re being with your message. It’s not helpful, it won’t work, and it weakens your strategy.
- Send a barrage of texts. No one likes a clingy ex who sends a ton of messages every hour. That’s very weird, annoying, and gives off the wrong impression right off the bat. You will sound unhinged and will end up pushing your ex away.
- Be passive-aggressive. If you’re going to text your ex, the last thing you want is to incite negativity. You won’t win them back with that kind of bitter approach and you’ll only turn them off.
- Get too long-winded. No one likes long, never-ending texts. They are weird, awkward, and off-putting. Texts that go on forever will not bring your ex back.
- Go on a rant. If you text your ex and don’t get the response you want, you should not — should not — lose your cool. A lot of people are a little too emotional when they try to get in touch with their ex, and when things don’t go their way they can just go off the rails and lose it. This is the kiss of death for any reconciliation attempt, hence the need for some “cool off” time with no contact before you attempt to text your ex back into a relationship.
Now that we’ve identified what you shouldn’t do, it is time to talk about the right strategy and how you can use texting to reconcile with your ex.
The Acknowledgement Text
We begin by identifying the kind of breakup you had. Was it a very bitter split? Did you fight before you ended things?
If your relationship ended in a blistering argument, these texts are not for you. You’ll have to begin by acknowledging the problem and being as honest as you can in handling the bitterness of the breakup.
Start by acknowledging that things ended bitterly between the two of you. If you have something to apologize for, do it now. Be honest, be concise, and be sincere. Don’t try and shift any blame away from yourself, but don’t grovel, either.
When you send this text, you have to give your ex some time to mull things over. You can’t expect them to be friendly right off the bat, especially if things ended poorly between the two of you.
The goal of the acknowledgement text is to at least get you and your ex on casual speaking terms, so you can lay the groundwork for the rest of these messages to do the work and eventually move towards a reconciliation.
The Shared Memory Text
You don’t want to text your ex out of the blue for no reason, so you obviously want to have something with substance to go on. As we’ve mentioned, you don’t want to text a simple “what’s up” and get ignored.
So, what can you text? Obviously, you want something that brings up good vibes and will help your ex reconnect the idea of you to the happy times you shared.
A good starting point is a shared memory. Think back to your time together. What did you both love? Which experiences brought you happy memories?
If you both love Chinese cuisine, text them about that new dim sum place opening up in the neighborhood. Love Game of Thrones? Text them about the new season!
These are neutral topics — they won’t bring up the negative feelings associated with the breakup.
More importantly, you can use these jumping off points to reestablish that happy connection minus the baggage of the breakup. You can bring up old, happy memories without sounding too overtly nostalgic or dramatic.
The Compliment Text
Remember, we are trying to reconnect but are keeping it subtle for the moment. As such, you don’t want to go in with guns blazing!
Keep it cool, but let your ex know that you’re thinking of them — in a positive light — by sending a congratulatory or complimentary text.
Let’s say your ex just posted a cute selfie of them on vacation. Don’t go overboard in praising their shared photo! Just send a short text complimenting them on the vacation and how fun it looks. Don’t even attempt to talk about their looks right now, as that is the last thing you should text them at this junction.
If you heard through mutual friends that your ex received an award or a promotion at work, by all means congratulate them. Tell them how happy you are for their achievement, and how you always believed in them.
In both instances, you are showing your ex that you are unencumbered by the breakup and — more importantly — that you look at them favorably despite the separation. You want your ex to know that you appreciate them and see their positive qualities even though you’re no longer together.
The Opinion Text
What’s the easiest way to build up someone’s ego? Ask them for their opinion. It makes them feel like you respect them enough to want to hear their thoughts.
You’re not on very good terms with your ex, or at the very least things are still a little frosty. You want to let your ex know that you still think highly of them, even if you’re no longer together. Communicating this respect goes a very long way in improving the relationship.
Remember not to be too obvious that you’re simply fishing for a reason to chat them up. If your ex is a sci-fi nerd, go ahead and ask them about Doctor Who — say it’s to settle a bet with a coworker.
If they’re really good with taxes, ask them for their advice on the subject. The key here is to not ask them about something that’s completely out of left field.
The “Wish You Were Here” Text
Okay: we need to clarify this. We don’t want you to ruin things by going too big too soon. You want to let your ex know that you miss them, but you don’t want to do so in an awkward manner that will put them ill at ease.
So, how do you achieve this?
Don’t go straight to “I miss you”! That’s not cool, and will make you sound super needy. As we’ve said several times now: text your ex back into a relationship by being subtle!
Start by figuring out an activity you two used to enjoy, or used to daydream about doing together. Perhaps you went to a weekend market every month, or maybe Coachella was a regular thing for you.
Send your ex a text while you are at a concert and reminisce about your Coachella days. You could say, “Hey, remember how fun Coachella 2016 was?” That’s a good way to bring up the good times and let your ex know you’re thinking of them fondly without getting all weird and sappy.
You miss their company, and they get this message clearly, but you won’t have to go the awkward route.
The “New Me” Text
You don’t exactly have to change to be loved, but sometimes some improvement is necessary, especially over issues that led to the breakup.
For example, let’s say you’re dating a gym buff but you’d rather stay home and play video games all day. There’s nothing wrong with that per se, but that’s an issue that set you and your ex on separate courses.
Perhaps your ex has nagged you one too many times about getting a bit more active and fitter while you were together. If you want to reconcile, this is an issue you’ll have to address.
Start off by actually making a change. You can’t fake things, because that will not end well for you. If you want to be better, you have to work on improving yourself before getting back with your ex. This is the only way things can work out positively the second time around.
Now send your ex a text and let them know that you’re making these improvements, but don’t do so in a weird, bragging way. Inject some humor into it!
A text that says, “I finally made it into a gym, can you believe?” is a good start! You’re being slightly self-deprecating, showing that you acknowledge your weaknesses. At the same time, you’re working on it and you’re letting them know.
The Catch Up Text
This is it — the moment you’ve been waiting for. Do not attempt this if you’re not yet on good speaking terms with your ex.
Here’s how you know you are ready: you and your ex text each other every day or every other day, talking about random things. You’re on friendly terms, though there’s still some awkwardness remaining.
Send out a feeler and don’t go directly to talking about reconciliation. Your goal is to get your ex to meet up with you so you can get your foot in the door.
Make sure to use the words “catch up” or “hang out”, emphasizing that you plan to keep things casual. Ask them out for coffee or a quick snack at the pub. You want your ex to feel like this is a relaxed meet up and that you won’t pressure them into anything they’re not ready for.
Once your ex says yes, you know that a reconciliation is not far off. Just make sure that you take things slow and work on improving the connection before going in fully. Learn to listen and read their body language.
Good luck and may you get your happily ever after this time around!
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