How To Get Your Wife Back — The Ultimate Guide
You want to save your marriage but you don’t know how. Read on for the ultimate guide on how to get your wife back.
“For richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part” — marriage vows are not to be taken lightly, as they are built on commitment and an optimistic approach to the future.
Unfortunately, marriages can face a number of challenges and obstacles, sometimes leading to separation. This is a devastating experience that no one should have to go through, but is sadly very common.
But troubles don’t necessarily mean you have to give up. Even if things look so difficult and bleak that your marriage is headed for divorce, giving up doesn’t have to be on the table just yet.
The first thing you have to remember is that you’re not the only one in pain right now. This is not one-sided, because your wife is definitely going through the exact same thing. Whether or not she initiated the separation, there’s no way she can be happy with all the heartbreak she’s going through right now.
Nobody enjoys breakups, and more so divorce. In the entire process, whether you choose to move on or to attempt a reconciliation, remember to be mindful of her feelings and emotions.
So, do you want to know how to get your wife back? Read on and find out.
Yes, you’re still in that very odd mindset where you’re not quite sure how you’re going to move forward. Separation can feel like someone just pulled the rug out from under you and you don’t know how to proceed in life.
In this moment of panic and high emotions, you could accidentally do things that you’ll regret later on. Don’t let this panic take hold you and try to center yourself amidst the chaos.
If you let anger or frustration rule the roost, you could lash out and drive your spouse even further away.
Of course, this is easier said than done. It takes a lot of effort to not just let the emotions take you, especially when you’re going through a very tough time. This is where the empathy we mentioned earlier comes in.
You want to remember that this is a tough time for your wife, too, and that she wouldn’t be talking about separation if things hadn’t gotten too difficult for her. With this in mind, you should be able to stay strong and not fly off the handle.
It also helps to remove yourself from the situation temporarily if you think things are becoming too challenging for you. Excuse yourself, take a walk, and give yourself a breather.
Give yourself an outlet.
Most men are not given the opportunity to express their emotions healthily. In fact, this is one of the common issues that can ruin a marriage. The lack of proper communication with the wife can break the relationship down.
So what can you do? You don’t want to let your emotions run wild as you don’t want to do something you’ll regret in the heat of the moment, but you still need a proper outlet so you can maintain your mental well-being.
There are a few options to consider. First of all, you can always use a private journal. It doesn’t matter if you go digital or work on paper. The key here is to let your emotions out in your journal so you don’t feel too bottled up. Don’t worry about the words — just let them out until you feel better.
Another option is to find an activity that can work as your coping mechanism. Fishing, dancing, reading — whatever works is fine. Do remember not to resort to unhealthy methods like drinking too much or anything similarly unhealthy. In fact, some men find a lot of release in going to the gym and working out.
Talking to friends is another thing you can do, but for some men this is a real challenge. Opening up and talking about emotions isn’t very easy, but strong and solid friendships can help you with processing these issues within you.
Perhaps talking to a stranger is better for you. In that case, you can either join forums and talk to other men going through the same problems, or look up a reliable therapist to help you work out your emotions. Either way, find someone you can trust, who will listen to you, and will give you the opportunity to let out steam.
Get back on the saddle.
The suddenness of the separation most likely took you by surprise. Even if you already knew that things weren’t going swimmingly in your marriage, hearing the word “separation” still has a very powerful impact.
Your wife no longer wants you — this is the first reality to unpack. You feel rejected, and you don’t know if you can go on. After all, “married man” has become a part of your identity for so long, and the love and affection of your wife plays a large part in your understanding of yourself.
With that gone, you can easily fall into the trap of self-pity. You start to see yourself as the victim here, especially if your wife initiated the separation.
Before you can move forward and handle the separation properly (without acting rashly), you need to pull yourself up and get back into fighting shape.
We don’t just mean physically — you have to be ready mentally and emotionally in order for you to get your house in order. If you want to talk to your wife and really be open to what she’s saying, you have to be strong and centered first.
You don’t want to be a sad sack who mopes around while your wife goes forward with the divorce proceedings. At the very least, you want to be of sound mind so you can take charge and figure out where you want this relationship to go.
Accept that your marriage had issues and both of you were at fault.
As we’ve mentioned earlier, learning to empathize with your wife is a good and important step in this entire matter. Want to know how to get your wife back? You first need to understand that she isn’t being frivolous with this demand for separation.
Most men tend to go on the defensive, thinking that the wife wants to leave for dumb reasons. They don’t want to acknowledge their own faults, and choose to push the entire matter into their spouse’s hands.
Here’s the thing: she’s not leaving because she’s sick of picking up after you. She’s leaving because you never listen and it’s like she’s dealing with a toddler instead of a husband. She’s leaving because you don’t seem to care that she has to do all the tidying at home.
She’s leaving because you don’t seem to care.
So, before you can get your wife back into your life, you need to accept that the marriage has serious flaws and that you’re not blameless in this matter. Your wife is not being petty by asking for a separation just because you’re a little messy. Your wife is leaving because she doesn’t feel like you care enough to pick up your slack.
Of course, your wife is no angel here, either. You’re both in this marriage, and both of you have flaws. The faster you accept that there are real issues to contend with, the better your chances of getting back together.
Assess the damage.
How bad is the damage here? What was the main cause of your separation?
Some issues are really difficult to work through, like infidelity. However, there are many less dramatic issues that are no less difficult to work through.
Neglect, for example, is a serious challenge if you want to reconcile. A wife who feels like her husband is less committed and can barely notice her won’t be easy to persuade into a reconciliation.
So how do you figure out how much damage there is to fix? The most important thing is to talk to your wife. Listen to what she says.
If she’s not talking to you at the moment, think back to all your arguments, or even those “cold shoulder” episodes. What seemed to trigger her the most? What made her walk out of the room in anger?
You are one of the parties in this relationship, so you definitely already have all the information you need.
Go through your wife’s complaints.
Think through all of the complaints she’s raised over the years. Yes, even the ones you dismissed as nagging. This separation is the culmination of those complaints.
In fact, it’s very likely that she had already attempted to communicate these issues with you before the big separation, perhaps in a last ditch attempt to fix things.
Asking for a separation means she thinks there’s no hope left, and that all her complaints will never be addressed. If you want to reconcile, you’ll have to go through each one of the issues she raised methodically.
It will help to list down the issues that you think contributed to the end of your marriage. Talk to her sincerely and ask for her honest thoughts. This can be difficult and painful, because you’ll be getting pointed criticism.
No matter how painful, though, this is a very important step if you want to reconcile.
Improve on areas within your control.
From this list of complaints, you can now figure out which issues you need to work on.
Let’s say your wife thinks you’ve let yourself go and you don’t take care of your health. This is very important, as it shows a lack of respect for yourself and your spouse. It can also affect her attraction to you.
This is an easy fix, as all you have to do is to work on your physical health. Go running every morning, try to eat healthier, and see a doctor. These are all ways you can improve and be a lot fitter.
If she thinks you’re too closed off emotionally and that you never share your feelings with her, see a therapist. Learn how you can communicate better. Later on, if she’s so inclined, you can ask her to go to couple’s counselling with you. It shows that you are committed to working on your flaws and that you want to make things work.
When we say improve, we mean you have to be committed. You can’t be doing these things just to get her back, then drop the changes after she’s back in your life.
This is a real transformation we’re talking about.
You’ve already acknowledged that things weren’t working out in your marriage, and that there are real flaws to fix. Once you accept this, you know that without handling these flaws, you’ll never have a successful marriage.
If you’re thinking you can just wing it and then go back to your old ways, your wife will ask for a separation again eventually. Realize that you have to really work on long-term improvement if you want your relationship to have a shot at success.
You are recommitting to a new and better marriage with the same person, and when you do so you have to be in this 100 percent.
Now that you know how to get your wife back, the most important thing to do is to work on rebuilding trust.
We’re not just talking about her trust in you. You also have to have faith in the relationship should you manage to reconcile.
There will always be that nagging feeling that she’ll be disenchanted and then leave you again eventually, but don’t let that fear hold you back. You need to use that as motivation to constantly work on your relationship.
She needs to know that you want this wholeheartedly so that she can trust your commitment to this marriage. You also need to know that she’s here to truly accept your efforts and that you are both in this with real commitment and no regrets.
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