How To Be A Good Kisser: 11 Kissing Tips
Have you ever thought about kissing — really thought about it? Chances are, you just jumped into it without a second thought. But kissing is an important component in increasing intimacy, and bad technique can torpedo a relationship before it even starts. Read on and find out how to be a good kisser in a few easy steps.
Yes, yes — talking about kissing tips can feel a little too juvenile. It sounds like the sort of thing a teenage magazine for girls would feature!
Before you dismiss this article as absolutely unnecessary baloney, think back. How did you learn to kiss? You probably heard the guys in school talk about their own fumbling efforts, cobbled together a few ideas about kissing, then just went for it when you had the chance.
It’s not like you get feedback, either. Most people would rather laugh and complain to friends than confront a bad kisser directly. So, if you’ve got bad technique, you’re probably none the wiser. Imagine, going through life not knowing that you’re a bad kisser!
Even worse, a 2012 survey conducted by the State University of New York at Albany found that 66% of women will call it quits if their partner is bad at kissing. Yikes!
The good news is that — like most skills — improving your kissing technique isn’t impossible. With a few good kissing tips and some practice, you can easily become a much better kisser in a short span of time.
Here are 11 excellent tips on how to be a good kisser.
Keep your lips moisturized!
It sounds corny, but to be honest, no one wants to kiss chapped lips. Think about it. You don’t enjoy kissing dry, crusty lips, so why would anyone else?
But how exactly are you supposed to keep your lips soft and kissable? Most guys aren’t well-versed in these arts, as most men hold on to the misconception that self-care is a “feminine” thing. That’s a real shame, because women can definitely appreciate the man who makes an effort.
The first step is to use a lip scrub. You don’t have to get all fancy and buy products from expensive skin care brands. To give your lips a quick scrub and remove dead skin cells, use your toothbrush to lightly graze your lips. Another option is to use a soft towel to lightly exfoliate your lips. If you need a real scrub, some sugar mixed with coconut oil can work just as well.
Your next move is to use a lip balm to moisturize your lips. No need to splurge — the old standby Carmex is a great choice, but you can always go with a bit of petroleum jelly.
Maintain good hygiene.
We’re not just talking about oral hygiene, though that’s the most important. When you kiss, you are completely intimate with your partner. It’s not just your lips connecting. You’re close enough to smell each other, and that’s something a lot of people tend to forget.
So, when we talk hygiene, we mean total. You need to smell fresh all over, not just your mouth. Oral hygiene is simple enough. Brush and floss to maintain a healthy and clean mouth, then have mints on hand for right before you kiss someone.
Hygiene for the whole body? It’s easy, too, as long as you cultivate good habits. Shower regularly, and don’t just stand under the water and call it a day. You need to scrub and exfoliate so your skin becomes a lot cleaner and fresher.
There’s no need to pile on the body spray. In fact, too much cologne can be a turn off. Just make sure to use a strong deodorant and maintain a steady body hygiene routine. That’s the best way to smell fresh and attractive.
Don’t rush — savor the moment.
Kissing is exciting. You want to go in immediately, because hormones kick in. That’s understandable — physical intimacy is exhilarating.
However, rushing right in can turn a woman off. You don’t want to be too eager. Let the kiss take its natural course. It’s a whole process that goes beyond your lips touching.
Look into her eyes and establish a connection. Caress her face. This moment is magic, and the last thing you want is to go barreling in.
Don’t go in with your mouth open!
If there’s one move that clearly reveals a person’s lack of kissing skills, it’s the “lean in with mouth open” technique. Girls see that and they run away immediately, because it’s such a weak strategy!
Kissing can involve a variety of techniques, some of which involve the tongue. That means that at some point, you might have to open your mouth while kissing. However, if you go in with your mouth open right away, it reveals that you’re not a good kisser at all. That’s just poor form.
When you lean in, make sure to have your lips together. Not too tightly — just make sure you’re not going in for an open mouth kiss right away. You could end up scaring your girl and wreck the potential for a kiss before anything even starts.
Close your eyes — otherwise, it’s creepy.
It’s the cardinal rule of kissing — close your eyes! If there’s one thing romantic movies got right, it’s that you should never kiss with your eyes open.
Imagine this: you’re finally up close and personal with your girl. She closes her eyes as you lean in for a kiss. Now imagine yourself keeping your eyes open all throughout — isn’t that just the weirdest looking thing?
It’s odd to be so close to a person — close enough for lips to touch — and still keep your eyes open. It looks real creepy, too, to be honest. Some people might even think you’re not savoring the moment.
Kissing rookies may be scared that they’ll end up kissing the wrong body part if they close their eyes, but that’s not a real problem. Just keep your eyes open while you’re leaning in for a kiss, then close them on contact. It’s all about getting the timing right.
Be mindful of her breathing.
It’s easy to get swept away when kissing, but as mentioned, your partner’s comfort is of utmost important. Be aware of her breathing and use this as a guide to help you figure out your technique.
If she’s having difficulty breathing, you either have to adjust and reposition yourself, or you need to take a break and give her some time to catch her breath. Breaking the kiss to let her breathe is a good way to ensure that it’s still enjoyable for you both. The last thing you want is to suffocate your partner.
Take small breaks or find a better position. Check if your noses are a little too smushed up together. Just make sure to be mindful of her breathing and adjust accordingly.
Let her dictate the pace.
Kissing is a bit like dancing. You’re partners, and you definitely have to coordinate in order to succeed. When you kiss, that’s kind of also the dynamic you’re working with.
That means you have to be very in tune with how she’s feeling. You don’t want to rush her when she’s still taking things slow, and you don’t want to hang back when she’s ready to be a bit more passionate.
It takes work, but really the key here is to be more empathetic. Focus on your partner’s needs and wants instead of your own. Being a generous partner can make you a much more memorable and better kisser than anything else.
For a kiss to be enjoyable, your partner has to be comfortable. Don’t push her to do anything she’s not ready to, as that’s the fastest way to turn a kiss sour.
Kiss with your whole body.
One of the most important things you ought to remember about kissing: it’s not just the lips or tongue at work here. You’re a complete person! Your lips are not detached from your body, and neither should your kiss be.
Touch is important. Caress her cheeks, play with her hair, cup her face — make sure to touch all the key erogenous zones to amp up the physical connection. Run your hand along her arm — whatever it takes to make the kiss a lot more intimate.
Just remember not to use touch to redirect her head — it’s weird and can feel like you’re moving her around instead of working on heightening your physical intimacy. No girl wants to feel like they’re being controlled or directed by someone else, so make sure that all your touches are romantic and seductive.
Slowly ramp up the passion. No explanation needed here.
Don’t be too aggressive with your tongue.
The tongue is a controversial point — French kissing is popular for a reason! However, it’s all about getting the right timing.
If it’s your first kiss with this person, don’t go in with your tongue right off the bat. Take your time, and see whether or not she’s comfortable enough. If she isn’t, hold off for the time being. It’s a good rule of thumb to keep your partner’s well-being in mind, especially if you don’t want to scare her off.
What you can do is tease her a little to see if she’s ready. Lick her lips gently. If she opens her mouth, you know that it’s right to proceed with your tongue and kiss a little deeper.
Take note: do not jam your tongue down her throat like some kind of animal! You’re not trying to lick her tonsils! It’s not sensual and won’t turn your girl on. Overly aggressive tongue action isn’t sexy and might even hurt her, so remember to be gentle!
Don’t try to set yourself apart by adding “unique” moves.
Here’s the thing: we all want to be memorable. We want to be that unforgettable person whose kisses are so different that they stay imprinted in a woman’s mind for life. That’s not a bad thing — it’s completely normal.
That being said, you have to know that the little quirks you add to your kissing technique can easily backfire. Some people like to suck their partner’s lip or to add a bit of biting. Don’t! At least don’t attempt anything weird on your first kiss.
These unique techniques aren’t entirely off-limits, but it’s the sort of thing you should only employ once you’ve gotten to know your partner a little better. Going in for the weird stuff right off the bat can scare a girl off, and that’s literally what you don’t want.
Communication is also important at this junction. Once you’ve gotten to know each other better, you can be a little more open and ask your partner what she enjoys. You can be a little more experimental with each other as you become more intimate.
Now that you know how to be a good kisser, there are a few more points to raise and remember.
What you do after the kiss is just as important. Don’t overwhelm your partner — leave her wanting more! Step away slowly, but remain within a comfortable distance. It’s a good way to maintain intimacy while catching your breath.
Take this opportunity to improve your rapport. Tuck her hair behind her ear, caress her cheek — anything to make the romantic moment last a bit longer. Women enjoy these little actions and can make your kiss a lot more memorable.
Of course, one should remember that evaluating a person’s kissing technique can be a very subjective matter. Some people enjoy licking, while others may find it creepy. Should teeth be involved? That’s another subjective issue to consider.
The point is, you can work on your technique up to a certain point and stack the deck in your favor by following these kissing tips. However, in the end, individuality will always be a factor in whether or not your partner will find kissing you enjoyable.
That being said, there’s nothing wrong with working on self-improvement! Whether or not you maintain your kissing idiosyncrasies is up to you, but the tips we’ve shared can definitely up your game and boost your chances at greater physical intimacy.