How To Flirt With A Girl: 11 Steps To Up Your Game
Dating isn’t as difficult as you imagine it to be. Read on to find out how to flirt with a girl and bring your A game to the dating scene.
You’re probably familiar with the stereotype: women are crazy. Women are unpredictable, they are hard to read, and you can’t ever figure out what’s going on in their minds.
Now give that stereotype a minute or two of real thought. Doesn’t that just sound like the weirdest assumption ever? Women, obviously, are people. Just like you, they have personalities, hopes, dreams, quirks, and yes — dating preferences.
The first thing you need to know to increase your dating success: women aren’t hard to figure out.
Forget everything you’ve ever learned from popular culture or from watching romantic comedies. None of those movies are remotely realistic. They have warped your understanding of women and probably negatively affected your ability to connect with them.
Women aren’t puzzles, and treating them like a human Rubik’s cube isn’t going to improve your chances.
The first step to a successful dating life is learning how to flirt with a girl. Yes, we know that the word sounds very intimidating, especially if you aren’t a very social person. A lot of men tend to overthink flirting, assuming that it requires practicing in front of the mirror and memorizing smooth pickup lines, but that’s not what flirting is about at all.
Instead, it’s a lot about having the right mindset and attitude when approaching women, which can considerably improve your dating life. Read on for an essential guide to flirting the right way.
Don’t put her on a pedestal
When discussing how to flirt with women, a lot of men assume that the focus is on the approach and how charming they can be when they finally talk to the woman. This isn’t entirely wrong; your approach and how you communicate definitely play a role in your future success.
But flirting does not begin the moment you open your mouth and talk; it begins way before any of that happens. We’re talking about getting into the right mindset.
We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: women are people. Eschew from your mind the usual tropes of goddesses, queens, princesses, etc. These words are meaningless. Women — at least the ones who are worth your time — do not enjoy being treated like extraterrestrial beings.
When you put her up on a pedestal, it skews the way you approach her from the get go. You are not coming in as an equal, and that sort of deference can put a woman off. She wants a man — an equal — not a subject.
She may be the hottest woman you’ve ever seen, but is she intelligent? Is she kind? Is she funny? Do not let her beauty overwhelm you or drown out your sense. This will help you remain cool and confident when approaching her.
Send the right signals with your body language
When learning how to subtly flirt with a girl, the first thing you have to consider is body language. What message are you sending when you haven’t even talked to her yet?
This is very important. You know how some men just give off that creepy vibe, and yet you can’t seem to put that feeling into words? It’s all about body language, man.
Everyone knows some guy who just stands way too close for comfort, or who maintains unblinking eye contact. That’s precisely the wrong kind of body language, especially when attempting to approach women.
Learn to respect a woman’s personal space. Unless you’ve gotten quite close, don’t just go about touching her like it’s no big deal. Don’t close off your arms, and stand facing her during conversations. Don’t stare at her or leer! That is just the absolute worst thing you can do.
You want to project a level of warmth and friendliness, not stare her down like a hunter looking at prey.
Be genuine, not a doormat
There are men who think that women will not like them if they disagree at any point in a conversation. Wrong!
Remember what we said about not putting her on a pedestal? You’re looking for a romantic connection, not pledging allegiance to a sovereign. Why would you hide your genuine personality and feelings just to not get into disagreements?
In fact, that sort of doormat approach can really be a turn off. If you want to know how to flirt with the girl, you should know that having integrity and standing up for yourself is an absolute requirement.
She doesn’t need an echo chamber. In fact, good relationships are built on open discussions and yes, sometimes even disagreements. Saying yes to everything she says will bore her in a couple of minutes, which is how you end up with women saying they just don’t want guys who are “too nice”.
Pro-tip: these women aren’t saying they want bad boys. They’re saying they want real, genuine men — not “nice” guys who fake their personality to get into a woman’s pants.
Always strive to be the best man you can be
Here’s the thing: a lot of men wonder why women don’t seem to be interested, and the reality is that so much about dating starts with you, not with her.
Are you going to date someone who doesn’t care about hygiene? Do you think someone with no future plans is a great catch?
Women have standards and dating preferences, and the best way to be successful in the dating scene is to make sure that you’re always at the top of your game. If you’re stuck in your home most days and you haven’t showered in the last few weeks, you can’t blame women if they avoid you.
Working to improve yourself is also a good way to build confidence, so you can approach future relationships with self-respect and self-worth.
Compliment her — but in the right way
Key to learning how to flirt with a girl is learning how to give compliments the right way.
Yes, there is a right and a wrong way to say good things to another person, and that’s central to flirting properly and creeping a woman right off. See, compliments are powerful. They evoke very strong feelings, whether or not that was your intention.
Notice how women are vocally annoyed with those who catcall them? It’s all over the news and a constant topic online. These sleazy men think that complimenting a woman’s body is a good thing and that women should be grateful.
In reality, it is frightening, demeaning, and objectifying, especially when coming from a stranger. When you compliment a woman, talk about how her presence makes the room brighter, or how conversations with her are always fun. Talk about her new haircut. Ask her about her latest work project and how she’s really killing it at the office.
You’ll make her genuinely happy, and you have no idea how memorable your compliments will be to her.
How to flirt with a girl over text
Texting is great — it’s a wonderful and powerful tool that every man should make use of when flirting. The question, of course, is how do you do this the right way?
In learning how to flirt with a girl over text, so much of it relies on subtlety and self-control. You do not want to be the weird guy who bombards her with messages!
- Start by establishing a routine.
- Greet her every morning
- Say good night before you sleep.
- Over time, she’ll come to expect your messages and you’ll be part of her everyday life.
When the time is right, send her a short text in the middle of the day. Tell her you saw a book during lunch that you think she’ll like. Text her when you see anything that reminds you of her. These are little things but they build up over time, and she’ll soon start to anticipate your every text.
Important reminder: you can get a little more sexy with your messages, as long as you don’t go overboard. This is because texting friendly stuff is great, but that might send the wrong message. She might think you just want to be friends. Be romantic, be flirty, and — if she’s into it — be a little sexy.
Listen to what she’s saying
Do you know how frustrating it is to talk and have the other person just sit there and not pay attention? Of course you do. No one likes being ignored.
You want to know how to flirt with a girl? Learn to listen. We’re not talking just sitting there and nodding. That’s pointless! She could go out and do that with any random bartender in the city.
Listening means you actually pay attention. It’s respectful and it’s the key to a strong relationship down the line. Conversations aren’t some kind of hurdle you just have to get through before she decides to go to bed with you. They are crucial to building rapport and to deciding whether or not you two are actually compatible.
Give her small gifts
Did she tell you she really liked Neil Gaiman? Get her his new book when it comes out. Is she really excited about that new movie coming out? Buy tickets and go watch it with her.
You don’t have to be a high-roller and buy her with your gifts. In fact, a woman you can buy with gifts probably isn’t someone you’d like to spend the rest of your life with.
We’re talking about small gifts that let her know you’re listening. You’re paying attention to what she’s saying, and when you see things that remind you of her, you buy them and give them as gifts. That’s an incredibly sweet gesture that’s sure to make you stand out in her mind.
Don’t be afraid to crack jokes
The key to figuring out how to flirt with a girl is humor.
We’re not talking about negging — this is something that could easily backfire, to be honest. Instead, you want to be genuine with her, showing her your fun and lighthearted side.
Crack jokes, be humorous, and definitely be yourself. If you can’t be relaxed enough to joke around with her, you won’t be able to flirt with her properly.
In fact, don’t be afraid to tease her. Just make sure that you’re not getting too personal or hurtful. Teasing is an excellent way to flirt, and if she’s interested she’ll tease you back. It’s a social dance that humankind has been using for millennia.
So what can you tease her about? Banter about sports teams is great if she’s a fan, or perhaps joke about her favorite shows. There are many ways to tease without being hurtful.
Besides, humor is one of the key cornerstones of compatibility. If she doesn’t find you funny, this might not be the best fit for you. Find a girl who laughs at your jokes and thinks you’re the funniest guy on earth, because that’s what you deserve.
Get physical — slowly
This takes a bit of time, because you want things to be comfortable between the two of you before you get touchy.
Often times, a woman will take the initiative to show you that they are into you, but in a subtle way. They’ll start with light touches. You may notice her leaning into you while you’re chatting, or perhaps they playfully tap you on the shoulder from time to time.
This means that she’s not averse to physical touches with you, but you should still take it slow. Brush your shoulder against hers while at the bar, or brush away that strand of hair from her face. It’s definitely a sexy move and will take your connection to the next level — albeit slowly.
Ask her out!
Don’t dance around it: if you want to flirt, you have to say it. A lot of men tend to be shy, especially if the woman is already their friend. Somehow they expect fate to just go ahead and take the reins.
In reality, the reins are in your hands. You are in control. Let her know you don’t want just friendship. Being upfront prevents the dreaded “friend zone,” because you’re letting her know your expectations and she’ll be able to respond accordingly.